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What if This CD​.​.​. Had G​-​RATED Lyrics?

by Brentalfloss

[Spoken intro] Ducks, yes ducks in outer space From the Disney Afternoon, to the moon! Wait Uncle Scrooge, you need a suit out there How are you alive? (How are you alive?) You need heat (You need heat) also air (also air) That’s gotta be one expensive cane You are up on the moon looking for treasure, you’ve gone insane Ohhhhhh Crazy duck in space! Yeah, you’re really greedy and you’re old You’ve got a creepy Scottish accent dude, and you bathe in gold Bathe in gold! (That can’t be good for you) This oughta be the ending credits theme It’s a soaring song flying high like a dream But it was used as a level tune, underscoring a bird-brained, anthropomorphic mallard Pillaging the moon! Abbadabba Crazy duck in space! Oh, I hope you keep me in the will You could buy the moon and say “Put it on my bill” On my bill! Get it Scrooge? You’re a duck! You’ve been on every single continent from Africa to Asia to cold Antarctica I always thought that ducks flew far away in wintertime But you took it way too far-ctica, way too far-ctica! Wait Uncle Scrooge, won’t you take me along? You’re a nincompoop. But it’s such, such a great song! Though you’re a bird, you’re no wise old owl. Houston, we have a problem: Our shuttle captain’s a raving waterfowl. Supercalafragalisti— Crazy duck in space! Dude, your nephews miss you, please go back! Also, you’re not wearing pants, I can see your quack! See your quack! It’s a pun, and it’s about ducks! Ohhhhhh Scrooge McDuck you’re on the Scrooge McDuck you’re on the Scrooge McDuck you’re on the Moon!
Gypsy Tetris 00:22
(One-y and a two-ey and a three and four) Shapes made of four colored blocks like a T or a box rain down like 8-bit hail You can place them in rows, but everybody knows that this game is for females (HEY!) Girls prefer it to balloons (To balloons) Grandma says it’s better than prunes (Keeps me regular!) This is a game for a dame, every gal just the same from San Jose to Rome (that's quite a long way) It can brighten your day if your DNA came with two x chromosomes (HEY!) Your mom loves it, mine does too (mine does too) Roll your eyes, but my theory’s still true (Hah-em-hah-em-hehh!) Deep in a girl’s GIANT brain, there's a spot near a vein (Right here) Which regulates their bliss (The T-spot) Once they see falling blocks, the T-spot unlocks And they start to sing like this (PLEASE!) LA LA LA LA LA LA LA WE LOVE TETRIS, LA LA LA LA Here is a trick that works well To cheer up a madmoiselle When her patience runs too low (I'm so mad!) If you sing this on key, Immediately she'll forget that you’re a schmo (Try it!) LA LA LA LA (I'm still mad.) LA LA LA (Is that the Tetris song?) LA LA LA LA (I love Tetris!) LA LA LA (I’m happy now!) Tetris helps when girls wish we weren’t here They love Tetris if I didn’t make that clear!
Every day I open up my laptop and log on to Screwattack.com ‘Cause there’s a special someone I’m longing to gaze upon What a very special person who I can’t wait to see At least she’s very special to me... Corey, baby what’s your story? You’re the only girl on Screwattack, don’t put up a front ‘cause girl, I got yo back I’d do anything for you, I’d even buy a Power Glove To smash a question box and find the power-up of love! The things I feel for you are self-explanatory Oh-woh-oh-oh... Corey. (Verse two) Corey, there is no category With which to describe the way you make life fun You’re like Zelda, Samus, Peach, and Lara Croft in one I’d be honored and obliged if you’d trade consoles with me I would take great care of your mint condition SNES while you borrowed my limited edition Wii I come back like a magical boomerang why don’cha you add me to your inventory? Oh-woh-oh-oh... Corey... yeah! I know I’m not so great at subtlety When it comes to writing odes And I’m always gonna have to struggle with the fact that you don’t like Battletoads, No! And I know I’m not that smart, There’s frankly no limit to what I can bungle… But I do know how to love, it’s written all across my heart I’d even eat all your hair bugs if we lived in the jungle I wanna live in the jungle with yooooou! Corey, let’s write our own love story, (in the jungle!) Let me send flowers to your workplace Even though I’m bald and kind of a jerkface Sonic and Tails only need one ring to stay footloose and fancy-free And incidentally, I’m only gonna need one ring when I get down on one knee Let’s get married and have kids, and maybe one day we’ll all be on Maury Oh-woh-oh-oh... Oh-woh-oh-oh... Oh-oh-oh-oh... Corey... yeah!
You just got pwned, FTW! Now you're pwned, you're pwned cause we pwned you We took you by surprise (Excuse me. Yes? PWNED!) We just saw you roaming the forest And said let's pwn those guys (Yeah! Good idea!) You're a squirrel who somehow has money And sometimes swords and shields I don't care if you're a cute bunny, I'll pwn you good for realz! Let’s all polka now that we’ve pwned you We're happy that we won! (Yay! Woo-hoo! Whee!) Now we might peruse your belongings And dance more when we’re done! (Let’s boogie!) La la la, you're pwned la la la la We pwned you, la la la Pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn pwn La la la la la la!!! Pwn!!!
SPOKEN INTRO: [Turn my snare up, valued friend and sound engineer… Turn my clavinet up. You know what, just turn it all up. I can’t hear anything.] Lemme tell you all about a guy you don't know, yo My straight up mate up in the state of O-hi-o, yo A real swell dude with a good attitude He doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke and he's never ever rude He's a teacher, glad to meet-cha and he plays him some b-ball Degree in PE, he knows the way to be, y'all He's competitive, ahead of it, he'll never retreat But he always shakes hands after win or defeat He's a good example (He's a good example, amigo!) Teaches discipline and personal responsibility, yo! He's a good example (With a very humble ego) and a better set of etiquette than you or me, so... You don't wanna mess, his best will put you to the test His skillz are mad he'll beat you bad at Mario Kart DS So if you wanna play a master, just give him a jingle He's stable, strong and able, and ladies: he's single He don't need bling, like diamonds or clocks He don't need to lift weights, he’s good right outta the box From the chocolate locks to his fresh gym socks I'm his number one fan, this mammajamma rocks! He's a good example (He's a good example, sugar!) Teaches integral and critical decision making fool! He's a good example (Never flicked a single booger.) And he never did drugs and he stayed in school! He likes Board games Routines The rat pack The A-team Rainbow Six Young MC And apparently me! He's a good example (He's a good example, madam) He's a credit to society and takes a moral stance, woah! He's a good example (Vaccinations? Yeah, he’s had’em.) And if you're really lucky you might get to see him dance, yo.
I am Mega Man (Mega Man) I'm blue and cyan (Two different colors) The creation of Dr. Light, or "Right" if you are from Japan—also known as Rockman. My Mega Buster can cut the mustard, I am flustered, as you see… POW POW! Eight robot bosses in eight levels dishevel and revel in devilry, I'll steal their weaponry Mega mega man mega mega man Mega mega man mega mega man Mega mega mega mega mega mega mega mega Mega Man! I am also known as the "Blue Bomba" I could steal the powers from a llama Pwn a robot fish, pwn a robot frog, and then I ride off on my robot dog (Wheee!) Mega man, Mega Man three. (Part three) (One, two, one two three four) I am Mega Man I love to take long moonlit walks on the sand! Put together by Dr. Right or Light if you're American I eat all my Mega Bran I live in 2-D and it's my duty to destroy the master bots POW POW! If you're aghast and you can't last there's a fast way to pass all those nasty bots: Blue and red password dots! Mega mega man, mega mega man Mega mega man, mega mega man mega mega mega mega mega mega mega mega Mega Man! I am also known as “The Blue Bomb-a” Dr. Light has made me blue pajamas As for robot help, dogs are much preferred 'Cause I can’t do much with a robot bird Mega Man, Mega Man, three! (Part three!)
You shall be pwned! Once I have thrown: Bubbles! Bubbles! My tools are clean! By that I mean: Bubbles! Bubbles?! You’re in trouble, make it double, I’ll reduce you to mega rubble You will crumble, I won’t fumble, yeah you heard me, I did not mumble Oh, Mega Man you’ve messed with the wrong robot this time Face my wrath, I’m gonna clean your clock with a big bubble bath I’ve got soap and water too, I’m gonna mix it all together and make some bubbles Which I’ll use for pwning you! You better shave if you don’t want to be pwned with stubbles! ...on your face. I will scuttle you with bubbles, then I shall dance or perhaps I’ll juggle You won’t escape my spiky aquarium of doom, and what’s more: I had Chipotle for lunch, now there’s bubbles galore! I am like a submarine! Your little cannon cannot penetrate this hull man Invincible as Wolverine As long as you do not have metal blades like Metal Man Ah, Mega Man, you’ve finally arrived. Wait, are those metal blades?
Once again the world might fall prey to an ancient evil Once again we're hurled into darkness and great upheaval Those who can enlist, let's unite and we'll fight together We must save the crystals or orbs or the moon—whatever. Come, lets fly, we'll sail where the wind may take us through that starry sky, ‘cause apparently back then they had ships that could do that Draw your sword and stick it in trees that have human features Journey toward the thicket and pickpocket woodland creatures Though the villain shames us, we'll pwn all his dark abettors Funny how our names all contain less than seven letters Shine your light, the forces of evil can't outlast a mage, a knight, a weird little kid and a ninja master Key change, pwned foe! Raise our levels high cross the mountains and plains and oceans Don't forget to buy several truckloads of tents and potions Storm the villain's hideout and keep your courageous spirit Scream a battle cry loud enough that he or she can hear it Finally, the hunter of souls shall be the hunted Now they'll see we'll save humankind like we always wanted When we were little Summer vacation, Dancing in our jammies, Cause we beat Final Fantasy! Yeah!
There’s a blob and there’s a boy There’s a boy and there’s a blob There’s a boy here, there’s a blob here There’s a boy and also a blob Boy, blob, boy, blob Blob, boy, blob boy, Boy, blob, blob boy, bloyb!
[Spoken intro] THE MEGAS: In the year 200X, Dr. Light created a super robot named Mega Man Mega Man defeated Dr. Wily once. Now, Dr. Wily has created eight new robots of his own. My name is Mega Man, and I’ll do all I can to save mankind. BRENTALFLOSS: Gotta run gotta run now, gotta run gotta run now, and spryly, Gotta climb gotta climb now, way up highly Gonna get gonna get you, Dr. Wily I am Mega Man, here’s my mega plan, pwn you! THE MEGAS: Metal Man. BRENTALFLOSS: Bubble Man! THE MEGAS: Air Man. BRENTALFLOSS: Quick Man! THE MEGAS: Wood Man. BRENTALFLOSS: Heat Man! THE MEGAS: Flash Man. BRENTALFLOSS: Crash Man. THE MEGAS: Defeated. BRENTALFLOSS: Yeah! THE MEGAS: I want to be the one who fights for justice, I want to be the one (I’ve got to be the one) I want to be the one who fights against you, Dr. Wily BRENTALFLOSS: Although I like your mustache. THE MEGAS: I’ve been built by Dr. Light, a robot built to fight for what’s right against wrong. BRENTALFLOSS I am Mega Man, that’s my mega plan, fly fly! THE MEGAS: I will save all of you, it’s Mega Man part two, I’m dressed in blue, this is my song. BRENTALFLOSS: Yes, it shall be known, Wily shall be pwned, that’s you! Gotta run gotta run now, gotta run gotta swim too, like a merman Gotta run gotta run now, Ingmar Bergman Gonna get gonna get that tiny German Yeah, this game is grand, yeah it’s Mega Man part two! Part three was good and four was pretty good, and five and six were okay, but seven makes the cherubim cry Wuh-Pow pow! THE MEGAS: I can’t believe how much I fought BRENTALFLOSS: Me either dude. THE MEGAS: I beat your eight robots, it’s time you’re stopped, Dr. Wily. BRENTALFLOSS: Here we go! THE MEGAS: Ready, it’s time to get set, put on your blue helmet, this time we’ll get Dr. Wily BRENTALFLOSS: (Simultaneously) Gotta run gotta run now, gotta run gotta run now, Guy Smiley Gotta run gotta run now, Bill O’Reilly Gonna get gonna get you, Dr. Wily, I am Mega Man... THE MEGAS AND BRENTALFLOSS: Let’s get him! BRENTALFLOSS: You know They say his mustache is the source of his villainous power I’ll find a way to cut that and he’ll reveal he’s just a dainty little flower! THE MEGAS: I want to be the one who fights for justice, I want to be the one (I’ve got to be the one) I want to be the one who fights against you, Dr. Wily BRENTALFLOSS: (Simultaneously) Mega man, mega man... Although I like your mustache THE MEGAS: My name is Mega Man, and I’ll do all I can to save mankind. BRENTALFLOSS: (Simultaneously) Gotta run gotta run now, gotta run gotta run now, jump or fall Gotta run gotta run now, Andy Warhol Gonna get gonna get you once and for all, I am Mega Man, here’s my mega plan, you’re pwned!
SPOKEN INTRO: [What if Paperboy had lyrics? And what if I sang them accompanied by The Konami Kode, a supa-cool video game cover band? It’d sound like this… but first, I’d have to, ya know, ride over this little ravine and… throw a newspaper at a target for some reason and then… at the very end, there’s all these people in bleachers…by all these people I mean like three people in bleachers… but they’re cheering for some reason… I don’t really know what that was about, but whatever. Here we go.] Don’t you know me? I’m your paperboy. Throwing bundles of newspaper joy, This neighborhood’s a loony bin I’d rather throw the news in Compton If you live here, you’re probably crazy Lock your dog up, stop that baby! I’m on duty, it’s all about discipline Please don’t strike me with that rolling pin I sometimes miss when I throw Sorry I broke your window Can’t maneuver over sewer drains Which is funny, ‘cause it never rains [Instrumental break] Can’t stop riding, it’s just what I do My bike pedals are glazed with superglue I’m on my bike, perpetually I lay in bed, bike lays with me On this side street, rules are strict and tight New subscribers, paint your house white I have nightmares, shaking at the wheel Then I wake up and do it for real They make me wear this backwards hat, why are you rolling tires down your driveway please don’t do that! Now it’s Sunday, I am done, I’m out. No mo’ papers, no mo’ paper route I’m gonna get a job at Wal-mart.
[Spoken intro] HOMESTAR RUNNER: I just love brentalfloss He throws candy with a gentle toss I would dip French fries in brental-sauce When he’s gone, I feel a brental-loss, oh, His head is shiny… he makes Englishmen say “Blimey”… when I see his face, I cry-yyy You don’t think I will? Just try me. I mean he’s— I just love him so much. Forever and ever. I want him to have my baby corns… mostly because I don’t eat baby corns. They freak me out. Plus, they’re babies.
I am Doctor Mario and I am saving lives I look different in this game, (I lost the hat, got a coat, doctor light, stethoscope) I am Doctor Mario and I prescribe high fives Laughter's the best medicine, so BAH-HAH-HAH that’ll be twenty bucks. In the Mushroom Kingdom, I'm the finest doc by far (What?! Liar! Boo.) I got my degree by watching House and Scrubs and E.R. Brightly colored pills! (Pills) They'll cure all your ills! (Ills) Just as long as you've got fever or the chills (Cold) I’ll check your lungs Breathe naturally You sound real bad. [Wheeze, wheeze, wheeze] Oh, wait that’s-a-me... ..how embarrassing. Does it hurt right here? BRENTALFLOSS: No. MARIO: Does it hurt right there? BRENTALFLOSS: No. MARIO: Mr. Floss I think you’ve got receding hair. BRENTALFLOSS: Uhh… MARIO: You've got mononucleosis, halitosis, scoliosis, fifteen days is my prognosis You need red and blue pill doses! You've got scabies and phlebitis, chronic rabies, hepatitis, You'll be brave and you'll unite us, but you might catch menengitis Wait wait—I'm wrong—you have...the plague? BRENT: The plague? MARIO: Don’t touch me! Brightly colored pills! (Pills) They'll cure all your ills! (Ills) Just as long as you've got fever or the chills! Take it Floss! BRENTALFLOSS: I’m playin’ the piano and I’m playin’ really good ahnnahnna Dr. Mario!
Mushroom Kingdom, you’re a scary place There’s a teacup copter with a scary clown face, Oh schmoop; it’s King Koop. Mushroom Kingdom, he will make you cry Unless a hero comes to save your populi... of fungi. Oh my! Mario! Busts out of a pipe! Your hero has arrived! He’ll save your extra life! Mushroom Kingdom, now your castle’s breached. Koopa’s gonna have your precious Princess Peach in reach. Mushroom Kingdom you are growing wild Who will battle this redhead stepchild and win? (Again.) It’s him! Yeah! Mario! He gets mad superpowers From eating leaves and flowers And he can go for hours Mario! Grab that tail real tight! Spin with all your might! And watch King Koop take flight! Mario! (Yeahh)


Same awesome songs from the first brentalfloss CD; now with family-friendly lyrics.


released June 18, 2011

Recorded at Skinneraudio Studios. Produced by brentalfloss. Mixed and mastered by Joe Skinner. Accompaniment arranged and performed by brentalfloss and Joe Skinner unless otherwise specified. The Megas are Josh Breeding, Eric Von Doymi, Greg Schneider,and Mike Levinson. “I Want to be The One/Dr. Wily 1-2 ” originally recorded at Dr. Light Studios, produced by The Megas, mixed by Joe Marlett, mastered by Pete Lyman. The Konami Kode are Neal Evans, Nick Matzke, Paul Meyer, Ray Reich, and John Servo.“Paperboy” originally recorded at A1 Studios; produced/mixed/mastered by Paul Meyer, Nick Matzke, and Neal Evans. Special thanks to Mikki Skinner, Quinn Skinner, Corey Pettit, Laura Wiese, Curtis Bonds, The Brothers Chaps, Matt Villanueva, Andrea Villanueva, Rocio Lopez, my nephews Evan & Jackson, Travis Langworthy, Chad James, Youtube.com, Screwattack.com, Mom and Dad Floss, and all the fans! Front and back cover CD art by Parker Simmons and Brent Black. Music composed by brentalfloss, Yoshihiro Sakaguchi, Nobuo Uematsu, Yasuaki Fujita, Manami Matsumae, Ogeretsu Kun, Mark Van Hecke, Hal Canon, Mark Cooksey, Koji Kondo, Hirokazu "Hip" Tanaka, and Kelly Keagy.


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Brentalfloss New York, New York

Brent "Brentalfloss" Black is a musician, comedian, and gamer who is best known for adding lyrics to classic video game tunes in his Youtube-based "With Lyrics" series.

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