If There Ever Were A Species For Whom Sex Hurt (Trends Like These)

by Brent Black

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When Neil deGrasse Tyson tweeted "If There Ever Were A Species For Whom Sex Hurt", he was just quoting the lyrics to this song.

lyrics

If there ever were a species for whom sex hurt...It surely went extinct long ago!

The tomcat’s penis, well it’s barbed like a cactus, but the screams are just for show

And when a bed bug is matin’ well he stabs her while he’s batin’ and inseminates the open wound

Now I’ve never had sex with an actual person but I sure hope I find one soon

I don’t know much about evolution and I don’t know much about girls
Just my dog, my god, my gun and a bottle o’ Bud
I also don’t know much about anatomy and I haven’t seen much o’ the world
But I imagine sex feels like wrasslin’ with a pig in the mud
At least I hope so.

But if there ever were a species for whom sex hurt…it surely went extinct long ago!

When praying mantises are bedded, the male gets beheaded but I’m sure he likes it, though

And when a squirrel in his hut finds a girl and busts a nut, well he kinda sorta... glues her shut (WHAT?) look it up!

I've never left the Carolinas, never seen a real vagina, I assume it’s just like a tiny little butt... right?

But if there ever were a species for whom sex hurt...it surely went extinct long ago!

I don’t go to the dentist, and I don’t know what consent is but there’s always room to grow
And If there’s a situation where the act of copulation would be anything but rip roarin’ fun
Maybe somethin’ could persuade me if’n I could just get laid before I turned seventy one,
Next year!
Before I turned seventy one,
I'm old!
and I do not understand sex.
Nope.

credits

released March 17, 2016
Guitar by Kyle Downes

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about

brentalfloss New York

Brent "brentalfloss" Black is a musician, comedian, and gamer who is best known for adding lyrics to classic video game tunes in his Youtube-based "With Lyrics" series.

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